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Relationships
Comments by Alvaro Gutierrez (lowvisionfriends.com Founder)
Relationships are as important as hard to deal with sometimes.
But if you have low vision, that increases a thousand times...
But what about dating? Oh that's tough, means that the first thing the girl/guy will notice about us will not be our wonderful heart, our amazing sense of humor or our charming character, but our low vision.
That creates a dilemma, how can we deal with this? How can the girl that likes us deal with it, and what about the husband who discovered she has a low vision disease?
Marriage
First of all, there are many low vision people who date non-visually impaired people, and there are even more than that that actually marry non-visually impaired partners.
If you are married and you just discovered your partner has any low vision disease, the first thing you should do in my opinion as low vision person, is to go see your partner's eye doctor to learn all you can about her/his condition. You want to make sure before that appointment, that you have a dozens of question in place, regarding every field youc an imagine, from house adjustments to devices to help her/him read better, watch tv better. Things like where to place the house keys, food ingredients, glasses, and items that are important for her/him to know where are at.
Once you have visited the eye doctor, if he cannot help you much, as not all eye doctors are so helpful, then try to find another doctor and go see him, this is very important, gives you tools to elarn how to better understand and help your partner in the new "situation".
Please, do not be afraid or shy to ask any kind of question, per instance, did you know Viagra is bad for the Retinitis Pigmentosa? I bet you did not know that, well, my eye doctor told me so, so we must try always to find out the most we can.
After that step, the next one is the most important, give support to her/him, show them you are never gonna leave them, yeah, i mention this because sadly we live in such a shallow world where some mean people leave their partners when they find out they have a low vision disease.
So affection, hugs, kisses, all you have inside and all your love must be shown every single moment you spend together, that support based in love and respect and trust will give your partner a new reason for HOPE.
She/he will need to feel secure with you, more confident, remember that you are the only person with who she/he will live for the rest of her/his life and that makes you the most important person in her/his world.
We have talked about this before but we will mention it again, we lose self confidence when having low vision and what a partner can do with love and patience is boost that confidence once again.
Patience is basic, try always to not get desperate around your partner, show them understanding and patience, that will be greatly appreciated.
Another thing, never show pity in any way or form, we all are stronger than we show and probably your partner would hate that, you love that person so you must trust, and believe in her/him.
Love is about helping and marriage is about being together, being strong together, dealing with everything together and being there for oneanother.
You can and must be strong for your partner, try not to cry and try not to get sad or depressed, because your partner will sense that and may feel bad inside, this is about building a new life taking into account the low vision, not destroying.
Let's put it this way, if you had a disease, would you like to see your partner alld ay in bed crying and feeling sorry for yourself? Of course not, you know how powerful is the mind, so, smile, and start finding ways to help that person who emans the whole world to you and who is suffering. It's time to fight together, and be sure she/he needs you now more than ever, be at her/his side, communicate, ask her/him questions, be always totally honest and share your thoughts, i do not mean that you have to hide the tears, no, never, i am talking about learning to be optimistic about the disease your loved one has.
If you truly love that person, believe me, you will find the way to, do some of the activities you used to do before this disease happened, making the other feel good and safe is part of your "job" as a partner.
There needs to be certain familiarity for your significant other, make dinner, and remind her/him of the great moments and memories you hold together as a couple.
Sing along your favorite song, share the most romantic movie, go in a relaxing trip to a quiet and meaningful location, like a non-touristic area, or if you cannot afford it, go to a park in your area and sit and talk, hug your partner, tell that person your feelings and you will be making that person stronger.
Knowing you are there and you will always be there is a huge "treatment" for any low vision person, you must understand that low vision also means loneliness, it is easy to try to close doors and be alone, get down, and by saying "Hey Honey, I am here with you no matter what", that person will feel a warmness in her/his heart and will start being more upbeat.
Your attitude will influence her/his, keep that in mind.
I am sure you want it to be ok so show it, feel it, think about it, make it better, make your loved one smile, and feel good, then anything is possible and you can make it possible.
Dating
This goes for girls and guys:
When it comes to dating with low vision, there are some things to take into account.
One of the keys is being yourself, there is no point on hiding your low vision problem, you must be upfront about it.
No girl will want to date a guy who acts fakely, she will want a sweet, ncie guy, romantic, if possible, who is honest with himself and with her always.
You have to think that if she is dating you it's because she likes you and so, you can be relaxed and enjoy every date, she knows you have low visiona nd she knows how hoenst you are about it, she sure likes that attitude, so, now that she knows the less important thing about you, show her what you got in terms of your heart, soul and character attributes.
Don't make all turn around your eye sight problem, take off some importance from it, focus your dating experience in YOU and who you are and what you offer as a human being.
It's not smart neither healthy to put too much attention in your low vision. Let me explain, i mean that if you constantly remind her about your problem, and you, yourself make it a huge deal, she will feel uncomfortable and also will lose interest in you, will see you as a problematic guy, who only complaints and does nothing to improve his life.
She will also feel you are bitter inside and you cannot learn how to live happy with the eye sight you have, she is showing she is still interested by being with you, isn't she? Then smile and don't feel insecure, all will be ok, just take it easy, you have lots to show her and all are great things, so, focus on having fun and forget about your eyes.
If you relax when you are around her, she will feel great around you, your attitude as always determines the outcome of everything.
There is always something you need to remember when you are dating, you are as scared and nervous and even shy as they are, dating is fun but hard and it's like this for everyone, including full-sighted people, so, don't get stressed out and enjoy every step of the way, some dates are great, some are not, some lead to a second one, some won't, but you have to persevere and if you base the dating solely in your qualities and not in your disability, they will love you, they will respect you lots and will want to hang out with you, you are a very tough person, you deal with a complex eye disease, you are strong, you will not get intimidated by a date, will you? You are a person who can deal with anything, and who will always be honest and sincere and will be proud of who you are. Let me tell you, with that attitude, the girl of your dreams will be in your arms shortly:)
I recommend you on a first date to take her to a park, a beach, a nice restaurant for coffee, make it a day date, you tell her about your eyes and next you can feel relief that you said it already and secure of what type of girl she is, if she is decent, defenetely will be a second date, if not, she will run, mean people are also unpolite.
In my case, i always say i have low vision, at the first moment, i prefer to be honest from the start and at the same time, see how she reacts and that way i know what is she like.
I read a lot of so called "tips" for dating, but the fact of the matter is that we all are different and not everything work for all of us, what always work is to be honest and hide nothing from the girl you are dating. If she knows how you are, she will have reasons to stay with you, if you lie to avoid talking about your eye sight, she will not respect you and she will not date you again.
Now, this thing i will say now is important, obviously girls behave differently, and some of the above may not apply to them, however, most things i mention do apply.
But one thing does not, anybody has ehard the term "man hood"? Yeah, exactly, men tend to try to look good in all situations, even if they cannot, so for you guys, you have two choices, one to have a huge Ego and pride above all or second, to be cool, self confident but mostly, humble, yes, you will need your date to help you, you will need her to read you maybe a Menu, those things require guts and honesty, and believe, the first time was not easy for me, i am independent and all and was weird to ask for help in such thing but i had to, and i am not stupid, if i have to ask for help, i do it and so should you.
Tips for a girl or guy who dates a low vision person
- Be patient: Low vision people can be sometimes not so easy to manage so if you show patience and understanding and willingness to help, the person will find awesome with you.
- Be supportive: If you notice he is having problems seeing something, and he is not telling you, it is maybe because he is insecure and still does not trust you enough to ask for help, ask him kindly if you can help him, that may "break the ice".
- Show your emotions: Show him you are having a good time with him, tell him how nice it is to meet someone like him, decent, honest, emphasize how important is for you honesty, that will make him more confident and relaxed.
We guys don't have a clue sometimes about what you girls are thinking, help us, tell us.
- Make him feel good: Treat him like a Million Bucks, not everyday lol, but you know what i mean, propose plans that involve lots of fun, swimming, traveling, dancing, and make sure he gets the message that wherever you both go, whatever you both do, all will be done TOGETHER, sharing, and helping oneanother, if you do that, if your attitude is positive and always ready for fun and challenges, i predict a long lasting relationship after that dating time.
NOTE: This is such an important subject that we will add more and more tips and advices from us and from experts and from family members and friends of someone with low vision so others can learn how to better understand us.
We at lowvisionfriends.com know how hard it is dating and relationships for low vision people, but we hope all together will find a way to learn, and have a life with our loved one building everyday wonderful things together.
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